How to Change your Reality
Hi there,
I hope you are having a great week!
I am back in Hong Kong after 5 weeks away with my husband and kids. It was so lovely to spend quality time with them and other family members. I hope you also got to relax a little this summer and have some fun 😊
It feels normal now to travel and have the flexibility to continue to run my business whilst on the road. But I do have to check in sometimes and remember that this new reality was once just a distant dream!
When I think back to where I was just 2-3 years ago, I really couldn’t see how I was going to get to where I am today.
So how did I create this reality? Well, in the practical sense, I quit my full-time job and started my own business.
But what led to me being able to do that is what I want to share with you today.
You have probably heard the saying “We can create our own reality” but do you know what that actually means? Or how to do it? If not read on...
Research shows that by the time you are 35 years old, your personality is pretty much set. This means that you are running on a set of pre-programmed beliefs, memorised behaviours, perceptions, emotional reactions, hardwired attitudes and unconscious habits. Most of which were formed between the ages of 0-7 years old, by the environment and adults around you.
What’s more, 95% of the time your mind is operating off this pre-programmed setting at a sub-conscious level. That means that you are moving through your days mostly unaware of how you are taking in information, reacting to things, thinking and behaving.
Think about it, you probably wake up to the same routine each morning, go to the same places, eat the same food, have the same conversations, react in the same way to triggers, consume the same media, think the same way and ultimately behave the same way.
And we wonder why things aren’t changing for us.
Have a look at the diagram below, taken from my latest content within the “Dare to Dream Team Membership”. This shows how our beliefs shape our thoughts, which in turn create how we feel, which leads to what actions we take/don’t take. This then produces results (usually undesirable ones) which then re-affirms the beliefs that we have!
Take this example:
Belief: “I am not good at networking”.
Thoughts: “If I try to network I will not know what to say and will probably embarrass myself”.
Feelings: Anxious, uncomfortable, worried.
Actions: Go to event/reach out online to people but don’t show up as we want to, lack confidence and self-belief.
Results: Don’t make the connections you want to make and stay stuck where you are.
Confirmed Belief: “See, I knew I wasn’t good at networking. That was a disaster, I’m not doing it again”
We have so many limiting beliefs, here are some of the most common ones:
I don’t have enough/the right qualifications or experience
I don’t have the confidence to do this or that
I don’t deserve x or y
I never reach my goals despite everything I try…
Any of these sound familiar to you? If so, you may be unconsciously creating a reality you don’t want!
The good news is you can re-programme your mind. Here’s how:
Step 1: Become aware of these limiting beliefs. Become mindful of the narrative in your mind. We have up to 60,000 thoughts a day so pay attention to which ones are repeating and potentially keeping you stuck.
Step 2: Challenge the thoughts. Ask “are these thoughts 100% true?” “Are there any other possibilities?”
Step 3: Replace that limiting narrative with a growth mindset phrase. For example, instead of saying “I’m not good at networking”, say to yourself “I am working at getting better at networking”
Your brain has spent years repeating the limiting beliefs so it’s going to take some repetition to create new neural pathways. Write it down and put it in places where you are likely to see it. I like to set my passwords to a phrase I am working on because I use them so much!
Give the above a try and let me know how you get on! I would love to hear what repetitive narratives you discover and of course reach out if you need help re-phrasing them – I would love to help out!
Have a great weekend!
Lots of love,
